16 November 2014

Confessions of a single girl


I'm single - so what?

So... many things, apparently.

"So... Are you seeing anyone at the moment?" "So... When was the last time you had sex?" "So... How's Tinder going for you?" and even "So... You're definitely straight, right?"

Being single has been a hot topic of discussion recently, my favourite contributions to the topic by Dolly Alderton, who has written for The Debrief and Grazia.

Maybe it's because it's the run up to Christmas - for some reason, talk of relationships seems to be everywhere right now. Gift guides, matching novelty jumpers; the question of whether it's their parents for Christmas this year, or yours; who you dare attempt a festive smooch with under the mistletoe...

Whereas Dolly talks about the pros and cons of dating and being single in her 30s, I'm here to discuss being a single pringle in your 20s. Because as you can imagine, it's quite different.

Firstly, I'd like to point out that I am very much a "single" person. I'm not someone who feels the need to be in a relationship. I worked it out, and my total time being in a monogamous state (either in a relationship or "seeing" someone) is under 2 years. I'm 22, so that's less than an 11th of my life that I've spent in some form of a relationship.

I constantly feel under pressure to be in a relationship. It's as if being in one shows that you have your life more together, and/or you're one step closer to finding this elusive "happiness". If you're single, people seem to think you're drifting through life, searching for "the one" who will complete you, ending those nights spent drinking wine and watching back-to-back Gossip Girl, wondering if you'll ever find your Chuck Bass.

                               

This isn't the case. So many times in the past I've felt like I needed a boyfriend, and it's never for the right reasons. I might be feeling lonely, or like I'm the only single one out of my group of friends. Sometimes I've felt like I needed a boyfriend to make other things in my life feel less crap. As if having a boyfriend would have made things better. That shouldn't be how it works. Having a significant other should enhance your life; it shouldn't be an attempt to fix your life. When did we become defined by the number of people we've been with?

Here's the thing that may shock some people: I enjoy being single. I don't feel the need to be dating right now. I'm not going out of my mind working out the last time I got with someone, or the last time I had sex, or wondering if I should be out on the pull every week. It did used to bother me, but it doesn't now. 

Why?

Because dating is a nightmare. I work in an environment where 99% of people are women, and the 1% men are either married, gay or taken. When I'm not working, I'm at home, and when I'm not at home, I'm in the gym with 10 other women doing yoga. The only way I'm ever going to date is Tinder, and let me tell you, swiping gets old pretty fast. When there is a "match", you're either ignored or crudely propositioned. And that's that. The effort of dating is too much effort for me right now, and that's okay.

After my (rather modest) amount of sexual encounters, from kissing to, well, sex, I know that unless I'm drunk, it ain't gonna happen. Also, I can't bothered with average sex and a traumatic journey back on the tube the following day, just so I can assure people that I'm "putting myself out there". In fact, I think I'll pass.

That's not to say I disapprove of people who do like to do the above - completely the opposite. I support everyone's decision to do what makes them happy. I just stopped doing it because it didn't make me happy anymore.

So I may seem like I'm on the shelf gathering dust (thanks, parents!) or I'm not making the most of  my youth, but ultimately, it's my life and I'm quite happy just doing my thing. I'm so focused on my career at the moment, at finding somewhere to settle in London and getting my life in order, that I don't need the drama of a relationship making things even more confusing than they are right now. Maybe when everything starts to calm down, and I've managed to catch up with all the friends that have fallen by the wayside in my broke stint, I might consider dating. But not right now. I also might not date - it's my prerogative.
                            

I just wish people would stop assuming that my life is lacking without a boyfriend. I wish people would stop expectantly asking, "So... anyone exciting in your life right now?" (answer: me. I AM exciting. I don't need anyone to supplement that). I wish there wasn't this bizarre expectation that I should be sleeping my way through London to feel "fulfilled" and making the most of myself. I've been there, done that (excuse the pun) and it only made my hangover even worse.

I'm happy to be single, and not willing to settle to assure people that I'm okay. Because I am. Don't get me wrong - I want that can't-stop-thinking-about-them, kissing in the rain, lazy Sundays in bed kind of love, but I won't settle for anything less. It's just not worth it. And besides, why would I want to share the pizza when I can eat an entire one by myself anyway?

                             

Images: WeHeartIt
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1 comment

  1. This is exactly the same mindset I have at the moment in my life. It's quite interesting to hear it from a Woman's perspective as well, with the point of 99% women where you work and Yoga, switch that to 95% men and 5% women which are over 40 which would follow on with going to the gym with the guys. It seems society has too many rules on finding sex or relationship at any situation, can't people just enjoy life for what it is life..? I currently find being single allows me to enjoy life to a much fuller than if I was in a relationship which would be limiting to what I can experience and I would more inclined to be biased when it came to these situations.

    Best of luck with your career in the crazy capital.

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